How This Happened AKA: Woulda, Shoulda, Coulda

Unlike many men, my husband sees out Family Doctor on a regular basis. I insist on it. Unfortunately, now that things are where they are, I realize that he listens but doesn't hear. 

However, like many men, my husband would masturbate occasionally, and in January 2017 when he almost casually mentioned that there was blood in his semen, I was (naturally) alarmed. He was going in to see the doctor anyway, so I had him tell the doctor and he listened, proclaimed it a UTI (urinary tract infection) prescribed antibiotics, and ordered a urine test. This was in spite of me requesting a PSA test. (https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/psa-test/about/pac-20384731) Our doctor said it was way too expensive an often inconclusive. He didn't even give a digital rectal exam. Naturally I was upset, but I thought maybe the doctor knew what he was talking about.

Over the months, my husband's sex drive went lower, and he blamed his age, but, again, I was concerned. The doctor sided with my husband, and I was the odd one out, so I was ignored. After all, the bleeding was no longer taking place, and he was feeling fine. I've watched people who were "feeling fine" die, only to find out that they were seriously ill and didn't know it. I was accused of being an alarmist, but hey! He's my husband, and I was concerned. I mean, how difficult is a PSA test anyway? The doctor did all sorts of other tests on a routine basis, so why not just do it to shut me up? 

Then, just about a year ago, my husband was up every hour urinating. Prostate! I said, Diabetes! said the doctor. Fine, but would it be so difficult to do a PSA test? I hate it when I speak up and I'm ignored like I'm a stupid child. I was beginning to resent the doctor. In January 2018, my husband actually had a UTI. BUT he also mentioned a decreased semen output. Antibiotics again, and the doctor said my husband might need to see a Urologist. In May 2018, my husband again mentioned the deceased semen output, and that it "looked funny." Again he doctor said my husband might need to see a Urologist. My husband was finally starting to see that maybe my concerns weren't so farfetched. Finally, in September 2018, my husband mentioned abdominal pain when urinating and the decreased semen output. The doctor said UTI, and my husband might need to see a Urologist.

At that moment, The heavens opened and an angelic choir sang as my husband told the doctor "You said that the last three times I mentioned this. Can't you just get me a referral?" Okay, so the heavens didn't open, and there was no angelic choir, but it felt that way to me. Two weeks later, on a Friday morning, my husband and I sat down with the Urologist. My husband works graves, and he had just completed his workweek, and he was more surly than usual, so when the Urologist said he wanted an MRI first and didn't do a a digital rectal exam, or order a PSA test, my husband was grouchy about it. I apologized to the Urologist, explained about the graves, and then the Urologist patiently explained why the MRI was done first. Apparently (DUH!) it shows problems quickly, and then, if necessary, a PSA test is done.

What I didn't notice was that the MRI was labeled ASAP. Before we even got home, the MRI people were calling to make an appointment. The following Friday, the MRI was done. On the following Tuesday, we were told another MRI was necessary because the "doctor needed more views" I missed the red flags. I was just happy that something was being done. We waited for the Urologist to call us, but the call never came. Apparently my husband was told to call a week after the MRI but he didn't hear it (he's hard of hearing), and I didn't remember it. He finally went to see our doctor who had his receptionist look into it. She called me the next day, telling me that my husband could only get those results from the Urologist. 



The soonest we could get an appointment was November 30^th so we waited patiently and carried on as if it was any other November/Thanksgiving. Why worry when you can't do anything about something? I'm getting tired now, (I'm a chronic insomniac, and I need a nap) so I'll write about the Urologist visit next time.
                                                              

About Me: Who I Am And A Little Backstory

In everyday life, I prefer to be in the background. I live what some might consider to be an alternative lifestyle, but my neighbors have no idea, and I like it that way. I'm pretty sure that at least a few of the people who work in my local grocery store know, because some things are not that easy to hide.

Anyway, I met my current husband in March of 2013, just about 4 months after the death of my mother in December 2012. He was introduced to me by an acquaintance, but I was busy with a friend, and said hello distractedly.  The funny part of all this is that when he first came in the building, I was assisting at the desk, and he caught my attention. Tall, long blonde hair, and a nice butt. Honestly, I barely even took note of his face. It wasn't until the next day when I read something he wrote that I decided to write him, not even realizing he was the same man I was drooling over when he walked in. Our first official date was June 1, 2013, and I wasn't even sure if it would work out at that point because he was a smoker, and I detest cigarette smoke. Still, he managed to win over my heart, and, before long, we were seeing each other daily in spite of the distance (47 miles on LA Freeways).  He proposed in early July, and I refused, but a week later, I proposed, and we were married in the middle of September 2013. He was also a nonsmoker by then.

Naturally, friends and family were surprised at the rapid pace, but it was right for us. There are no regrets even now as I'm writing this. We have been through many hard times, and we have leaned heavily on each other and supported one another, even when it felt like everything was crumbling down on us. Illnesses, injuries, the death of his mother, even my son having a rare form of cancer that nearly killed him more than once, and then losing our home. We stuck together when others might have decided to run away and divorce. I guess it helps that both of us have a stubborn streak that prevents us from giving up or giving in easily. Oh, we have disagreements, and there are times when he goes silent, but there is Love.

So, now here I am, 57 years old, married to a 62 year old man that I Love, and, in fact, I'd feel lost without him. Don't get me wrong, I have others in my life who I Love, and they are important to me, but they aren't my husband, and all this worry makes me sick. Why am I worried? It looks like he has prostate cancer, and if my calculations are right, it's most likely advanced. How did this happen? I'll save that for my next entry.